*advanced* technical support

In the interest of continued innovation, I am trying to create some lively(?), self-produced videos for this space. With my natural predilection towards guerrilla/cheap endeavors, I am attempting to utilize the tools readily available to me (i.e.; using my cell phone’s “camcorder” function) to create said videos. Shooting the footage actually works quite well, in its limited, low-rez, lonelygirl15 capacity. But problems have arisen in the “getting the video onto my computer” phase.

so... close...

so... close...

Thanks to a mildly helpful Sprint customer service operator, I was able to connect my phone to my computer via a USB cable, which allowed me to easily pull the *photos* off my phone, yet the videos were inaccessible. After placing me on several holds and insisting that, well, this really *should* work, the operator finally admitted defeat and transferred me to technical support. Whom had I been speaking to before? Apparently someone with the best of intentions, but perhaps no specific training in what may be called “the technical field.”

Im going to put you a quick hold.  Okay?

"I'm going to put you a quick hold. Okay?

Well, fine, onto the experts (“experts”). I explained the situation to my new phone friend, went over the steps I had already tried with the previous Sprint representative, and almost immediately the tech supporter admitted defeat and said I would be transferred to “advanced tech support.”

tomorrow, today.

tomorrow, today.

I have to admit, I had high hopes for this advanced technical support. I pictured Tom Cruise in Minority Report (“There is… no question.”)

And the guy on the phone had the appropriate swagger of someone with one foot in the future. There was a backdoor way of getting the video off my phone, he casually informed me. Would I like to know it? Yes. Yes, I would. Well, he told me how to get tothe picturemail page on the Sprint website (which I had already been to), and I did see the video, and a button that said “save to my computer.” So it seemed my problems were over and I thanked the guy and hung up.

fools gold

fool's gold

Alas, when I actually tried to save the video to my computer, the site was unresponsive as the video just constantly said “processing…” and, you know, never finished processing, which I suppose is what the “…” meant. So I’m back on the phone with Sprint, trying to get some customer service and technical support, giving my number and name and pin number and explaining the situation over and over and over, going through the same channels, handed from one person to another, each one admitting defeat and passing the buck, until I’m on hold for “advanced” technical support and then the line clicks dead and an automated voice urges me to hang up and try my number again. Getting a little irritated now. I wait for whomever put me on hold to call back, since they must have number, as I have given it out over and over and over again thus far. But no call. So back on the phone and dialing Sprint. Back through the same prompts. Back through the same hoops. I get to I reach advanced technical support. We run through the same options again, a dance whose choreography I can recite by heart, including the lack of success which greets every suggestion. Finally the advanced technical support guy confesses, well, he’s googled everything he can think of to help me, but he’s just not finding anything. I call for professional help and I get a guy googling shit. Hell, I could do advanced tech support! You could do it. Everyone is doing it. You and I have the exact same tools at our disposal as Sprint advanced technical support. Google is the great equalizer. Anyway, the guy says he’s going to put me on hold and try to find a colleague who is more knowledgeable about Macs (I am so high maintenance!). But it’s a hold I’d never awaken from.

corporately sponsored euthenasia

corporately sponsored euthenasia

The line goes dead again and still I have no answers. And Sprint is not utilizing my call back number. So I slowly climb the Jacob’s ladder of Sprint customer service operators again until an operator tells me she’s transferring me to advanced technical support and the line goes dead. Again. My phone company, specifically the tech support people within my phone company, lack the technical know-how (no how?) to successfully transfer a phone call.

Right this way, sir.

"Right this way, sir."

The whole thing has gotten a bit too Sisyphean, so I gave up for the day. And yet I still needed to figure out how to get the goddam videos off my phone and onto my computer. So the next day, I set my jaw and started the process again. I tersely though not angrily explained the situation and how I needed advanced tech support from someone familiar with Macs and mention how I have repeatedly gotten disconnected. The operator and I reach a consensus that that shouldn’t be happening and that the operators I have been talking to should have, at the very least, called me back.

Hey, Im on your side.

"Hey, I'm on your side."

She does manage to get me through to an advanced technical support guy, but she doesn’t believe that there are any specific Mac-savvy folks to be found. The advanced technical support guy gets on the line in a hillbilly drawl and we take up the timeless dance once more. Try this, try that, I’ve tried it, how about this, doesn’t work, maybe this? He slowly repeats several keywords as he no doubt hunts and pecks them into the google search window. His remarks almost all have a coda of “lemme/I’ll do this real quick” and “and stuff like that.” It was really an amazing experience in rhetoric. Somehow his saying “real quick” as he prepared to do something was supposed to convey to me that he was, in fact, working at maximum speed and efficiency. And his tagging of “and stuff like that” was usually almost non-sequitur but somehow hinted that the vastness of his knowledge and/or efforts was beyond his ability to express (or at least to express it real quick). In the end, he basically said I had to download a driver from the phone manufacturer’s website, though a visit to the website showed no drivers were available for download. I suggested maybe the phone, or at least the video function, was somehow not compatible with Macs. The guy conceded that, yeah, maybe that was true. Has no one ever had this problem before? I asked. No. No, they hadn’t, he replied. I guess maybe all self-respecting Mac users have migrated to iPhones.

I am a Mac.

Justin Long, your soup is ready.

So here I am, still unable to upload my videos directly from my phone to my computer. I did find a way to pull the video off the Sprint website by using Devo’s laptop, then emailing the saved video from her computer to myself and then downloading the video from my email on my own computer. I know there is a much simpler way to achieve my goal, but I haven’t been able to properly google it yet.

caught between google and the deep blue sea

caught between google and the deep blue sea

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4 Responses to “*advanced* technical support”

  1. Brent says:

    What the fuck isthat squid thing?

  2. perry says:

    it’s some mutant octopus where each of the eight tentacles splits off into more tentacles. some japanese aquarium has a bunch of them apparently (naturally, since the japanese are no strangers to mutated aquatic life).

  3. perry says:

    okay, i got it all squared away. called samsung. they were cheery but relatively useless until the “second level” operator talked me through some stuff and i gave it a shot and, lo and behold, i can pull videos off my phone now. i don’t know whether to laugh or cry or fart.

  4. Devon says:

    Knowing you, one inevitably follows the other. In other news, I totally want to see your web cam.

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